happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
wow bdsm is so cute
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
