remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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