And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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