i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i love accidental penises.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
