and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Randomize
