so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
