hotel room ftw
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
