White coat. Heels.
The best revenge is premature balding
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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