am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I need to align my fucking chakras
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
