Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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