Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
