this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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