There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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