good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
