I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
