I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
