i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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