just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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