I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
