he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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