Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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