I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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