I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
