I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
