He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
