Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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