Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
