NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
