youre lurking in front of me
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
