I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
