I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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