fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
