They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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