you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
