Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I love having hate sex.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
