Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
