It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
