Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
