Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
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