She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
