We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
