do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
