Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize