I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
