oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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