there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Randomize
