I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
