Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
