have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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