my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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