We're like a lot better than the average bears
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
