we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
