Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
