he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
