he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
