don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
