i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
