So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
