At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
