How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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