put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
His nipple licking is glorious
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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