you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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