my mouth tastes like poor choices
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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