I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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